Man vs Lawn

This Spring I've done something I've successfully avoided doing my whole life. I mowed the lawn.

Being frugal (cheap to my wife and friends) I bought a reel mower and started pushing.

As a first time mower (is that the correct term?) I've come to the conclusion that lawn care is weird. Where else do people spend tons of money and/or time to create/build something, so they can then cut it every week? Hair care maybe?

Mowing the lawn is also mindless. Although since I use a reel mower (there is no engine) it's pretty quiet so I can mow anytime there is enough light and not be concerned about disturbing the neighbors.

The best thing about mowing the grass is meeting some of my neighbors. No. not people, but the abundant wildlife. Rabbits have hopped passed me, deer have eaten grass only 30 feet from me (I asked them to bring back 50 friends but no luck there), a few male robins follow me around pecking at the freshly cut grass (I must disturb bugs), I've even come across salamanders hiding under leaves. And I get to hear all the birds from whipper-wills to woodpeckers singing or pecking.

An Offer I Could Refuse (Pretty Easily)

My landlord offered to sell us the place we are renting. I found this a bit amusing.

He had a list of statistics and kept throwing lines like "building equity" and "capital gains" and "appreciation". That I found pretty funny since I am a big believer that housing is way overpriced and prices are dropping and will continue to drop until owning a home is reasonable in comparison to rent(Disclaimer: just my opinion, could be wrong. I also hang out at www.njrereport.com under the handle safeashouses).

Now I'm sitting on the couch thinking this guy is clueless. Why would I buy a house that I have no interest in renewing the lease? Not only that but my monthly housing costs would increase 50% if I bought, I would be responsible for all repairs, and the commission and taxes to sell it would be more than 1 year's worth of rent, not to mention I just lost my job this month too.

He kept throwing out catch phrases and comparisons that charlatans and the quacks on TV use. He even told us the rental market is strong. I thought strong for who? I'm guessing us renters since i see places sitting on the market for 2 months or more. I could care less where we move to. There are at least 10 towns in the area I like and over 15 rentals that are nicer and cheaper than our current place.

I finally told the guy we are thinking of moving to Boston or back to Australia. I was trying to politely refuse his offer. but i was really thinking, you bought a place to turn it for a quick profit, that failed so you are now renting it out for only 2/3rds of your monthly costs. I am not going to bail you out and put my family in financial jeopardy over a house. A house is a machine for living. It's 4 walls and a roof. No matter how much you love a house it is impossible for it to love you back. If housing prices falls another 20 to 30% from current levels we may actually be able to afford to buy a house we would want to own. If housing doesn't fall more, we can keep renting, move somewhere else in the US, or move overseas again. It's a big planet after all.

You know your employer is in trouble when...

10) The owner's hair turns gray overnight

9) The owner/executive's face becomes haggard/ashen

8) Owners and executives put their house up for sale during a housing bust

7) The mangers start quoting lines from Pursuing Happyness and Boiler Room

6) You overhear the bookkeeper saying "they're not paying us"

5) The cancellation rate goes up and new business goes way down.

4) There are lots of closed door meetings you aren't invited too, yet you can see the people in the meetings pulling out their hair and looking constipated.

3) You have a meeting right out of Glengarry Glenross and you keep expecting someone to start yelling "put that coffee down"

2) You overhear the bookkeeper saying "we can't pay them"

1) You get laid off

The Hatchet Falls

Well they got me yesterday. We had a mass layoff and about half of us were let go. A few people were surprised, but most saw this coming.

Getting laid off/made redundant is better than getting fired I suppose.

At least now I'll have more time to blog!

Getting fired

Looks like yours truly will be out of work in the next 2 months. Where I work has decided to get rid of most of us and replace us with people making $9 an hour and no benefits.

This will be the second time I've lost a job during the bursting of the housing bubble. The first time I was laid off because my company lost its only contract. This time seems more personal.

Taiwanese Water Torture

Water.

It is essential for life. We need it to grow our food, quench our thirst, transport goods, and wash ourselves and belongings.

Yet in the hands of a CMIL, water can drive a man mad.

It begins innocently enough. First the sound of a faucet being turned on as a basin is filled. Then the plopping sound of a clothing item getting placed in the water. Then the torture begins. swish, swish, swish, as CMIL washes a shirt. swish, swish, swish. Yet there is no pattern, no rhythm to soothe the soul. No, readers. It's about as smooth as a rhythm less tone deaf man rapping. Awkward, erratic.

And always in the middle of the night. And it goes on for hours. water running, then swish, swish, swish. Water being drained, refilled, swish swish swish. hour after hour, night after night, month after month, swish, swish, swish.

What did I ever do to deserve this? One too many snide comments in my youth? One too many 1 fingered salutes to a motorist? Not eating enough veggies? What did I do?

Finally I had enough of CMIL, and told her to go back home. (and drive her poor husband crazy instead).

And now I can sleep at night, and have reclaimed my kitchen. All is well (although my poor father-in-law now has her 24x7).

Calling From The Toilet

Last week I answered the phone and it was my father-in-law calling from Taiwan. Eager to show off my improved Mandarin I asked him. "What are you doing?" Ni3 zai4 ga4 ma?

I thought he said "Wo3 zai4 da4 bien3, ahh." (I'm taking a dump, ahh)

I laughed and announced to CMIL what her husband said he was doing. Turns out I was mistaken.

He had actually said "Wo3 zai4 da4 dien4 hua" "I'm talking on the phone."

I claimed it must have been a bad connection or solar flares. No one believed me.